He is here! Part 5

One of the most significant days in a women’s life is the day she gives birth to her children. It is time. I am standing in a puddle riddled with facing my final decisions.

My last 2 sons were born rather quickly. Once my water broke around 3 to 4 hrs. I had made plans to give birth at lakeside birthing center just as I had 2 of my others. That was about an hour drive from my house so I knew my time was limited.

I called my girlfriend that I had arranged to take me when the time came. She was now on her way. 

Now to decide if I want to allow my mother and my sister to be present so many thoughts raced through my head. I was hurt by the actions them not being there for me not associating with me. 

I reached deep down in my soul and decided they were present at my other 3 children’s births. This child already had the world against him. I also knew deep in my subconscious mind my mother and sister did not shun me because they didn’t love me for it was the things they were taught and believed  they were showing me love through discipline.

Their beliefs are I had made the choice to sin and god was disciplining me. They shun as a way of getting you to come back to Jehovah to save your life. I know the basis of the teaching they are shunning you to save you because they love you. They have no idea the pain or loneliness.

They are hoping you will change your ways so you will have the promise of the paradise earth they believe they will be given by god when he ends all wickedness at Armageddon. I also know that as much as I miss them and want to see them, they will leave when its over and all will return to me being shunned. Knowing all I have ahead I make the call and welcome them with open loving arms.

My son has the most to gain from this in the future as I tell stories of this day and as siblings do compare, he will have something similar to share with his brothers. My mother and my sister are very close to my already 3 sons I can only hope this will allow this new precious life to bond with them as well so to not feel any different than he already will.

At this point my mind is racing with all the things he will have to struggle with having a different father, being a different color than his siblings, feeling like he doesn’t belong. Watching his older brothers leave on Fridays to be with their father.

The anxiety was almost unbearable in my head. I had done this now to do the best I can to create something normal out of it.I was in labor for more than 12 hrs. after my water broke.

My midwife urged me to go to the hospital for risk of infection and complications. I was so exhausted physically emotionally mentally I wasn’t sure how I could endure much more.

The pains were very close together and I had a room full of people I loved however I felt the wall I couldn’t let down with in my heart. I had to stay focused on delivering this beautiful boy into this world.

We decided the best option was to transport us to the hospital. I had 3 previous amazing home births. They were beautiful experiences. Now for something new.

My body was not responding, and the Dr. felt a C-section was to be my best option. Off to the operating room. At this point I just wanted this birthing process over.

Everything went amazing during the c-section. He was now here in my arms beautiful all the questions for the moment just melted away as I gazed into his beautiful brown eyes. He was here he was perfect!

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