Relationships are complicated weather you have been together for two weeks or two decades,
Then you add in the lack of unconditional love you may have been taught coming from a high controlled religion or cult/group
Let’s be real we had to be ready at any moment to let people we love go if there was an announcement made.
We as Ex JW’S or if you have been in a cult or highly controlled group we have a lot to figure out when it comes to love and truly opening our hearts.
I have been married 3 times…crazy right! Here is the truth my 1st husband was a regular pioneer. We went through some crazy stuff to be together. That in itself is another story. I was totally in love with him however once I realized I could not stay a JW and we could not make it work I closed off my heart with out even knowing it.
I was disfellowshipped and all the love I had known was gone. Just like a lot of you I was raised a JW. All my siblings and family closed themselves off to me.I was shunned! My heart was shattered. As I pushed forward in life growing the one thing, I forgot to do was open my heart to love as well as be able to receive love.
Now mind you I didn’t do this consciously. I didn’t even realize it. I thought I could love however I came to a pretty recent realization that If I did truly love it can not just be turned off.
That was conditional love. That is all some of us know not even realizing it.
In my quest to figure this love thing out I came across a book called the 5 love languages. It has been a great starting point for me. It has helped me see different ways we all give and receive love.
When your partners emotional needs are met or as we are going to refer to it your partners love tank is full, and they are feeling secure with your love, everything in life looks brighter.
They are more willing to reach higher potentials in life. This goes for your children as well. However, when a person’s love tank is empty, they may feel used and empty.
They will not be striving to reach their potential or encourage you in anyway little own feel the need to participate in a love relationship.
The beauty in this is…. no longer are there conditions on the love you give or receive as an EX JW!! Or if you have left a high controlled group or cult!!
You now can open your heart I’m not saying you will never be hurt, however now genuine love is a possibility especially if you know how to give love and receive love that fills you up.
There are 5 primary love languages.
Learning yours as well as your partners love language and your children’s can greatly assist you in keeping those love tanks full.
The idea of love languages simply put is about our preferences in how we give and receive love and affection in relationships.
The love language framework can be very useful in helping us understand ourselves and our partners better and our children.
Having compassion and honest communication with your partner is what makes the application of this knowledge possible.
Coupled with genuine desire to share pleasure and a connection with each other.
When it comes to our children if they can feel our genuine love, they will strive to be the best they can be in most cases. If we do not know how our child gives or receives love, we could be totally misunderstanding each other and not even understand why.
The 5 languages of love are
#1 words of affirmation
#2 Quality Time
#3 Receiving Gifts
#4 Acts of service
#5 Physical Touch.
A great reference guide is the book the 5 love languages. By Gary Chapman
In my next post I will talk about the 1st one Words of affirmation.
I am Wendy Johnson with Wendy Johnsons life coaching
Keep moving forward, Life is a beautiful thing full of love.