Today is the day

Some of my dearest friends still to this day are the ones who I consciously allowed to pass by my Jehovah witness programming. They are amazing women strong and full of heart. I could never have made it through the months to follow. The “world” is full of amazing people contrary to the teachings of Jehovah’s witnesses.

Now obviously by my story of the man I dated and learned he was married there are those who are not so amazing. I urge you to be cautious use your intuition. Open up and explore do not suffer alone after leaving any religion or high controlled type of group. There are amazing people out there who can help and want to. 

 I cannot express enough gratitude for what I will refer to here as my Daycare mom friends and A few others who will remain anonymous.  As months passed my belly grew along with the anxiety of having another child working 60 hrs. a week about to give birth not being able to take any time off. How was I going to manage it all?  

I was still so full of anger and hurt feeling rejection every time I went into public and someone would run the other way so as to not have to talk to me. I lived in the same town I grew up in and my father being an elder giving talks in neighboring congregations I was acquainted with many people. I was still finding myself full of sleepless nights crying not knowing what tomorrow would bring.  How could I be so stupid as to bring another child into this world. I worried how his brothers would feel about him.  Who would welcome him into this world?

His grandparents are Jehovah’s witnesses along with all my family. His father’s family I do not know. I have talked with his father he is aware of his existence; he only wants to use it to get close to me. He has a wife and a daughter and twins on the way. He says he wants to be part of his life. Only time will tell.My amazing “worldly” friends that I was learning to trust they were so excited for my new sons’ existence to come into the world.

They held a baby shower. My mother and my sister were both invited however they could not come and associate it would have been celebrating my sin as well as associating with people of the world. It was so full of love. I had reacquainted with some friends that had also left the religion and they came.

It was the happiest day in a very long time.  I was and still am so grateful for everyone who showed up to celebrate a new life that would shortly be joining us on our journey. 

The day has arrived! March 20, 2004. I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and on my way back to bed my water breaks. Now my mother and my sister both being Jehovah’s witnesses had requested that I allow them to be at his birth. I had been struggling internally for weeks. They couldn’t celebrate him at a baby shower, yet they could find it acceptable with their conscious to be present at his birth. I was filled with hurt and anger for I felt completely abandoned when I need my family the most. Yet my heart had longed to see them for I missed them so very much.

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